Substituting loneliness with self-love is something I discovered in June 2018 when I moved to Boulder, Co. I was excited and feeling so many emotions but I started noticing these bouts of sadness come about. I tried exploring where this sadness was coming from and every time I got deeper into my thoughts about it, I realized I was sad because I was feeling lonely. I realized this when I tried to better identify what the feeling felt like. Because the more I thought about it, I was like this feels like depression. I remember telling myself every time the feeling came up, “man depression is real.” Not that I didn’t know that already, believe me, I’ve had my share of deep depressions. But I didn’t realize how something as simple as “loneliness,” could trigger depression so easily. That means depression really is a very common thing. I guess because we don’t live in a culture where it’s openly talked about, which is sad in my opinion. But because of this, sometimes it doesn’t seem as though it’s as common as it really is.
The thing is, I’m a nomad. I can usually easily pick up and move to a new city with no problem. But for some reason, this time felt different. Maybe these nomadic moves get more challenging with age.. Anyway, I realized I had moved to a new state where I did not know a soul. I was starting my healing practice in studio space I had rented. I was constantly looking for more work so I could rotate multiple part-time jobs to have different sources of revenue coming in. Then I switched my car and downsized to a new one within the first month. So every single thing felt new. The new feeling felt great once I could take the time to appreciate the beautiful new chapter in my life. However, with every single thing that was new, although it was all fun and exciting, I realized I was physically doing a lot of everything alone. With not really any friends yet/people to talk to about things. I just wanted to have casual conversation and good socializing. My soul had been craving it.
I will say the loneliness got me closer to my spirit guides. I got to the point where I was like, well if I don’t have people to talk to right now, I’m gonna talk to my spirit animals and guides. So we started bonding. (That’s a whole other conversation. I do explain a bit more in my youtube video referring to this topic at: my YouTube channel,) I started feeling more grounded and connected to my inner self. I started feeling more connected to Mamma Earth as well. Which makes sense because the closer you are to yourself, the closer you inevitably get to Source. Sometimes I feel like the Universe gets us in a hermit phase so that we can get more connected within ourselves. Sometimes, it isn’t about always going outside of ourselves for some type of solace.
But man, I started feeling tired of the sadness coming about every so often and I wanted it to leave. I was like hmm.. how can I replace this? So I got deeper and faced the root of what was going on. I began to meditate and question what was behind the loneliness and I then became in touch with a void. A void so profound I could feel the deep wounds that resulted from the void within me. And I honestly think this is a healthy approach to healing from depression as it comes up. Whether it comes up due to loneliness or something else, it could be anything, going within provides a lot of answers. Especially the deeper you go.
I connected and bonded with the void I felt. I allowed myself to get in touch with the deep wounds I felt that resulted in me feeling so much loneliness. They all varied. Which honestly isn’t even like me. I decided to be compassionate and gentle with myself. I got even deeper and of course things from childhood came up but what I did was I chose to be the mature, loving adult to my inner self.I started listening to my needs due to my lack of attention and I began to ask myself how can I give myself the attention I am currently craving from others. I began to enjoy my time with myself a little bit more. I started filling up my internal cup with self-love. I kept filling. Every time the loneliness would hit again, I knew that was my cue to give myself some good ol’ self-lovin’ and some nurturing depending on what I was needing at the moment.
Maybe what you need is to go shopping. Maybe it’s time to rediscover what are the colors and textures and styles you like. Maybe you just need to get creative for a minute. Maybe you need a warm salt bath. Just to rest and be, most importantly with yourself. See so often, even when we may be alone, most of us are not really there with ourselves. Not 100%. How often do we go through the days and not appreciate our time we have with our very own being? How often do we not appreciate being us? Try that the next time you feel lonely. Or try it now. Either way, try loving on yourself harder. With more acknowledgement.
Practice filling your cup a.k.a. the void with conscious self-love. Everyone has some kind of void, big or small, from things of the past. It is our spiritually mature responsibility to take care of yourself and replace the negative feelings of loneliness. The saying is so true when they say you can be alone and not lonely. Try having fun with yourself and enjoying your company the way you would with your favorite people you love spending time with. Practice taking the time to tend to you and your needs with care, love and most importantly compassion. Keep on filling up your unique and special cup oh so worthy of your loving.
What’s been working are a couple of positive ideas I can point as a form of suggestions:
- Get out in nature more. Spend quiet time with you, really listening to you.
- Run a warm, healing salt bath for yourself. This will leave you feeling rejuvenated and loved.
- Take the time and effort to reach out and connect with others. See how others are doing in their beautiful lives.
- Try something new. Or something you haven’t done in a while such as go to a waterpark, horseback riding, go for a hike.
- Take new pictures to express this new expression of yourself in this time of here and now.
- Create something new. Paint, draw, bead, crochet, build something. Why not right?
- Do something healing, you can go get a healing , you can treat yourself to a massage, you can sign up for that workshop all about connecting to your chakras, go to a sauna.
- Enjoy you. Really take moments throughout the day to enjoy being this special specimen of a human being named YOU. Relish in your unique essence.
- Dance! Dancing helps you open up to the newness of life and the unknown. It also helps get your sexual and creative juices flowing. What better way to celebrate life and you?
- Do something to connect you spiritually. You can try meditating, I have a youtube video on my YouTube channel that explains How to Meditate. It can be you light some sage. Or maybe your way to connect to Spirit is through prayer. Maybe it’s through repeating mantras. Maybe it’s envisioning white light pouring all through you. Either way, it’s a positive form of connecting you to your spirituality.
You can be doing any one of these things the next time loneliness comes up. Who said being your own friend can’t be a good time?
I will say, I truly believe loneliness occurs only to point us in a deeper direction as to seeing what’s really going on that needs healing. Or to appreciate the precious moments we have with our loved ones. And especially as a reminder to give yourself some love and attention too! To really connect with YOU. I truly believe everything happens for your highest good.
If you feel loneliness creep up, use that as a cue to give yourself some extra self-love :).
*Feel free to leave comments on how you substitute your loneliness with something self-love.-ing Xo